Having A Voice Matters And Learning To Trust Again
Some of you may not be able to relate to this next post and that is fantastic! Why? Because that means you haven’t had broken relationships or friendships in your life. Let me explain….
Have you ever been in a relationship or a friendship where the other person is very dominant and you feel like you are invisible or your thoughts and feelings don’t really matter? I am not saying the other person is a bad person. What I am saying is that the relationship is very one-sided. Those kind of friendships and relationships hurt. At least they hurt me. What I have found is that those kind of relationships usually, at one time or another, ends. Once the relationship ends…then what? I spend countless hours trying to figure out what I did wrong, how could I have said things differently? What could I have done to salvage things before they went so bad? Once my soul searching is done….what did I learn? What and how can I change going forward?
What I have realized is that sometimes I let people walk all over me instead of standing up for myself and letting that person know, in the moment, that I have a voice and my thoughts and feelings matter. Other times I have tried to stand up for myself and have my say only to be told I am acting like a victim. So what and who is right? That is the tricky part. Both can be right. In my opinion, true friends will let you have your say even if they don’t agree with me and then talk through it with me afterwards. We all have different lenses on our life and no one can see your life through your lens unless you tell them what the picture looks like. I am a sensitive person and I know I can be hypersensitive. I try my best to see someone else’s life through their lens but unless they tell me or I ask…how do I really know?
I have always wanted friends that I can tell my deepest, darkest secrets to without fear of someone else finding out. I guess that is the joy of having a pet….you can voice your thoughts without worrying about them telling someone. I confess I sometimes test people by telling them something that is private but not necessarily confidential to see if the “secret” gets out. If it does, I no longer tell that particular person things about the real me. On the other side of that coin, if someone is brave enough to share something with me – I am of the mindset that their story is not mine to tell…therefore it is not mine to repeat EVEN if I am asked about it. If I have not been told whether I can share something or not, I try to err on the side of caution and don’t tell. Have I messed this up? Absolutely I have and for that I am sorry. I can be forgetful and let things slip. But I try to own up to the person if it does happen so the person is not blindsided when it gets back to them.
Trust is not an easy thing. It is hard to earn. It is even harder to earn back once broken. If someone has hurt or wronged me, am I willing to trust them again? The real answer is sometimes. Sometimes I have to move on and accept that I can’t take that chance again. In those times, I have to realize it became a toxic relationship/friendship and no matter how I wish it could be different, I need to embrace the next chapter. Another key for me is learning to forgive the offense(s). Forgiveness doesn’t make what the other person did right…it means you can remember without bitterness and move on to other friendships. Other times I have to realize that we are all human and good friends are hard to find. In those times I need to forgive and move forward. Do I have all the answers…not even close! I am a flawed human being. These are just my thoughts based on what I have been through.